This day marks the most historical days of my life.

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A decade ago, on a cold and serene morning of Cameron Highlands in search for an answer in life a boy stood up to the challenge to accept the unknown God to him. This is where the journey began. Out of naivety and in desperation to fill the void in his life, he rose to challenge this unknown God to fill his life. In his pursuit for answers, the boy soon discovers that this unknown God is the True God. Soon, he discovered that he met the Saviour.

“Looking back at that time, I guess it was out of naivety that I challenged Jesus. To show me and to prove to me that He loves me and that He is the True God. I thank the grace of our Lord, that He did not strike me dead for doubting Him and I am indeed glad that I took up the challenge to receive Him as my personal Lord and Saviour although I do not know what life will be with Him in it.”

The boy never knew that, when he acknowledges that Jesus is his personal Lord and Saviour his life will never be the same again. The boy then became attached to the church that he was attending. However, attending church was never the same again for him. Learning English and to have fun was his intended excuse of attending the church but ever since the Saviour entered into his life. Church meant more than the intended excuse. The church became the place where he can call his home. Being acquainted with fellow brothers and sisters, uncles and aunties, he discovers that there the love of Christ is evident in His church.

“Coming from a broken family, I’ve always search for a place where I can have the sense of belonging. I thank God for the warm fellowship and love that the fellow believers from Klang Gospel Hall and Klang Jaya Gospel Hall have shown to me. I thank God for Klang Jaya Gospel Hall; it’s truly a place where I call as my own home.”

Striving through his teenage years, the boy soon came to learn more about his Saviour. He became more and more reliant on his Heavenly Father as he discovers more about Him. His eagerness and his zeal lead him to be strongly attached to the youth group of his church. Wanting to do his best for his Master, he spent all his effort and strength in giving his best to his Master. Serving with enthusiasm and a burning passion, the boy soon discovers that he is being bombarded with more and more responsibilities and finally was assume to hold a leadership position in his youth group.

“All that I ever wanted to do was to serve and to give my best to my Lord. My weekends were packed with church activity. Being totally involved in the Teen Scene, attending the Gospel Meeting, worshiping in the Worship Meeting and learning in the Sunday School. I don’t even have time for myself and my family. I remember I would only be able to see my parents for about 30 minutes on a Saturday. I would have to rush to prepare myself after Teen Scene to go for the Gospel Meeting. But I was glad that my parents were quite open about me being so involved with the church.”

However, the rise to leadership left the boy high and dry. The higher he went, the more arrogant he became. He started to lose his friends. One by one they left him. His initial reason of serving his Master started to fade as his own agenda started to take place. He wanted to do great things for his Master in “his” own way. God was patient and compassionate with the foolish boy. God is the Shepherd that patiently search and take his sheep back to his flock whenever they stray. The boy had to learn the hard way for his arrogance and blind zeal.

“I remember being the smart-witted one in the youth committee. I often lash out on things where I thought was not in the right order. I started to think highly of myself and held on tightly to the standards that I’ve set and achieved. Looking back at it, I wonder how many people have I hurt with those words that I’ve so bluntly said. It was the highest point of my life but it was the lowest point too as I realized that I was starting to lose friends and people that I love around me. I am thankful that God is faithful and He did not abandon nor forsake me for being such a brat.”

After almost half a decade, the boy revisited the place he first met the Saviour. Having heard so much about the Residential Bible School the boy eagerly signed up for the school and was placed in a school with 39 others. Being much mellowed after all the disciplining from God for his arrogance, the boy had another life changing experience at the same mountain top again. This time, his life changed as he re-dedicated his life again to his Saviour. The dimmed zeal and passion, lit once again and this time it lit the proper way. The experiences gained in the school, will never be forgotten by the boy as it is deeply embedded in his heart. There the boy met the Saviour once again at the foot of the Cross. His life changed and he thought he will never be the same again. However God has other plans for this boy, plans that will change his life forever.

“I will never forget the teachings and the experiences from RBS. All those morning devotions, all those sharing and all those teachings. I’ve seen the Lord and heard His gentle whispers. It was nostalgic being back to the place where I first met the Lord. My life changed, and I felt the fire rekindled in my heart. I was eager to do much for Him and was eager to give everything I can for Him.”

A few months after RBS, the boy moved on to a new phase of life. He is almost a grown up at this point, or at least that was what he thought to be. He started his college life and for the first time he was living away from his family. However, he felt that he was getting dry again and suppressed. The passion was burning from within but being so distant from his home church and not being able to adapt well to his new environment, he felt drained. So, the boy longed to go home and be with his family. In the course of the year, the boy met the girl. A sister in Christ that He became acquainted with in the Residential Bible School. They soon became an item.

“I wanted to do so much for God. After RBS I was practically burning and my feet was not even on the ground anymore. I felt I was floating and desired greatly to serve the Lord. However, once again my radical behavior starts to take control as I was not able to accept the changes made by the church. I became rebellious thinking that my ways were right and soon I became distant from my church. It was bad. However, I’ve met the girl of my life at that point of time too. So, it is hard to describe as the taste of sour, bitter and sweet happens together.”

However, the happiness was short-last. The storm was brewing up ahead and the boy was unaware of what is to come in his life. God knew. God never leave the boy although he has fallen once again to his pride and dignity. At 13^th December of that year, the boy’s dad was taken away from him. His dad was struck down with sudden death; the killer of all time, heart attack. This surprising event threw the boy and his family into deep confusion, turmoil, anger, frustration and sadness. The boy’s life changed. He turned hostile and away from his Saviour. He persecuted his very own Saviour. He blamed his Saviour for all that had happened. He became bitter.

“When I lost dad, I was in total disbelief of whatever was happening. It was so sudden. Dad was there the day before smiling to us and on the next day I was forced to take Dad out of the morgue. He was cold and lifeless. We were not there by his side when he left. Perhaps that’s what he intended, the night before he chased us back from the hospital. Dad didn’t want us to see him leaving or perhaps it he didn’t want us to be there when he leaves. I will never know. But one day, when I see him again through the gates of splendor I will know. I always believed that Dad held Jesus close to his heart although he did not say it. I hope that all those tracts that I gave Dad did bring him to Jesus. My life changed, I became bitter and started to turn away from Jesus. I put all the blame to Him and I seek for an answer from Him. But I never did get an answer.”

The boy was brought through the years of pain, resentment and sorrow. He turned away from all, every friend and every person that he was once close with. He left his church. However, there was one that stood by his side even when he fails to stand. God is there. Despite all the curses and resentment, God is still there. Through the boy’s beloved God manifested his love to him through her. She managed to paste back the broken pieces of the boy’s heart with God guiding her hands. Through much pain and effort she patiently brought the boy back to his Saviour.

“If she was not there for me. I would not be where I am today. I thank the Lord for her. As Jesus’ love manifested through her to me. My broken life was once again mended. I would never imagine what life will be, if she was not there for me through the trying time. To me she is an angel given to me by God. God is good as He never forsake me even after what I’ve done. All those words of anger and curses that I hurled against Him. Yet He still forgives me for what I’ve done.”

The boy recovered after much effort by His Saviour. The boy changed to be much more mellowed and leaving his ways of arrogance and pride behind. Promising himself not to ever embrace it again the boy started his life all over again. However, trials never seem to stop as it pours in like raging waves to his life. He finds himself being bombarded with massive amounts of trials. Instead of trusting in his Saviour, the boy soon confided in his angel. His love grew more for his angel. Much more than for his Saviour. Ultimately his angel became the center of his life. Everything seems to revolve around her. The Saviour is no where to be seen.

“Everything seem to revolve around her. Everything that happens to me must be made known to her, not by her request but its me who can’t wait to share with her everything. However, in my own foolishness I was blinded and have not seen how much I have hurt Jesus. I’ve abandoned Jesus and once again left Him behind.”

The boy had to pay a high price for his foolishness yet again. His angel was taken away from him. He learned a hard lesson that in whatever he does, he must honour God first. His angel has to leave in order for his Saviour to be the first again. For no one is able to compete with the Saviour. It was a painful parting, many dreams were shattered and hopes were dashed but in the midst of confusion and pain the boy found a meaning to it all. Once again, the boy finds himself standing at the feet of his Saviour. He finds himself up at the mountain once again.

“It was painful losing her but yet in the midst of all those sorrow I discovered the purpose. I thank God for revealing it to me. Jesus wants me to fully embrace Him as Lord and Saviour and no one else should ever come in His way again. I fully submit to His will. Through the time despair, Jesus is there. He lavished His peace and love to me. I was very much moved by His great mercy and love. After all that I’ve done, straying away again and again, yet He is still faithful to me. His love is faithful. And in the midst of it all, I can say to Him “Thank you for loving me, Thank you for saving me. I love you.””

The boy lost love, yet he found love. The love that he lost was nothing in comparison to the love that he found. An eternal love, an unconditional love, agape love, a faithful love, a love that never ends, and a love that flows richly out from His Saviour. The boy immersed himself deep. He once took a sip and tasted that it was good yet he turned away and decided to seek love in his own way. Now, the boy dives in deep. Deep to the source of an everlasting Love from His Saviour.

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In a blink of an eye, it has already been 10 years. I’ve grown in size and in maturity. I am no longer a boy, but a man. A man that went through the scorching fire of trials and temptations. I am greatly reminded of the Israelites, on their stubbornness and disobedience. How many times have they turned away from God? How many times have I turned away from God? After each time, He brings me back yet in my foolishness I still pursue things that will fade. It is my prayer that I will continue to abide in His love and in His grace. The covenant of His love is renewed every morning. To me, the rising of the sun and the setting of the sun is my covenant of love with Jesus. After all that happened, finally I could say “I Love You Jesus.”

Thank you my Saviour, my Lord and my God for loving me and being so patient with me. Thank you for Your great mercy and faithfulness. Thank you for Your abounding grace. I am dumbstruck and speechless. I would also like to take this opportunity to thank all of you that have left footprints in my life, for you that went through with me through the fire of trials. I will always remember what you’ve done for me and my gratitude to you is beyond words. Thank you for standing by me. (you know who you are ^-^) 10 years of trials, turmoil, tranquil, transition, transformation and thanksgiving. I give it all to you Jesus.

From Duck to Swan
Signing out at 12.00am – 30^th May 2007

(1997 – 2007)